“If you live for the compliments, you’ll die by the criticism.” ~
Charlamagne tha God.

I have often said that my mother was a perfectionist.  Of course, in her profession (a high school teacher of shorthand and typing), accuracy was a necessary asset.  She would often preach that although speed was also desirable, without accuracy it was no use.  We are talking about the days of typewriters (in our rural high school in Jamaica) and they were not even electric typewriters.  She was picky to the point that when she received business correspondence (and this is true), even from the office of the Prime Minister once, she would hold the letter up to the light, for evidence of the use of correction tape (who remembers ‘white-out’?).  She then would fold the letter in half vertically, to ensure that the margins were equal, then horizontally, to make sure it was centered correctly.  In the case of the Prime Minister’s letter, when she found it was not to her standard, she sent back a reply (typed of course, with no errors), to notify him that his secretary’s work was not up to the standard of the Office of the Prime Minister, and that she could recommend several people who could do a much better job.  She never heard back from him!

But her expectations of doing things properly were not confined to her classroom.  It was her approach to life in general, perhaps based on the Bible verse: ‘Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might’, or more simply, if a job is worth doing, it is worth doing well.  This week I read again a booklet one of my mother’s cousins had compiled about their grandfather (my great-grandfather).  He was a builder, a self-taught man who had left school at age seven to ‘support the family’.  Hard to imagine in our current world, a child of seven laboring, but this he did, moving bricks around for bricklayers.  And this was how he learned the trade of building.  But apart from his professional life, he was said to be a very stern man.  When his daughter earned her first paycheck for dress-making (or rather, pay coins, for she was paid in cash), she proudly placed them in her mother’s lap.  Her father, it was said, was very angry at this.  By rights she should have given them to him!  Apparently, he refused to have his children vaccinated, because his baby sister had died after being vaccinated, probably by a contaminated needle.  After he died his children (now grown with families of their own) made sure to get their children vaccinated.  But they waited until he died! So I can see that my mother came from a line of people with strong beliefs!

As we learn this week of the death of yet another female (feminist) icon, it is clear we have come a long way, Babies! It was thanks to the tireless activism of Gloria Steinem and others that women are able to open a bank account in their own name; apply for a credit card without their husband’s ‘approval’; or report sexual harassment in the workplace.  Prior to her efforts, there was not even a name for sexual harassment.  Prior to Roe v. Wade, in her seminal Ms. magazine, she had printed a list of 53 prominent women (with their permission) who had undergone abortions, in an age where such a procedure was illegal.  She was one of them, along with tennis player Billie Jean King and singer Judy Collins.  Since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, and considering we are still uncomfortable admitting to such a thing, women no longer have freedom of choice over their own body.  In fact there are at least twelve deaths associated with the strict abortion bans enacted in many states, and an increase of almost 10% in pregnancy-related deaths.

My relationship with Gloria Steinem began with my own subscription to Ms. magazine.  I vividly remember an article entitled: ‘I want a wife’.  It captured the reality for most working women who come home from work to housework, to cooking meals, washing clothes and managing children.  How perfect would it be to come home to a loving wife, a perfectly kept home, well-behaved children, and nothing expected of you but to eat a healthy meal and relax!  It was that wicked twist of life that allowed women to join the workforce but expected them to give up none of their other responsibilities.  Oh yes, and pay them less than men for doing the same jobs! We have come a long way, but women still earn 82 cents compared to a man’s dollar, with Black women earning even less, 65 cents.  So, the work continues.  

Looking at the lives of these women of strong convictions (my mother included), we can see much to admire, and many examples to follow.  What has struck me most, is how unafraid they were to be themselves.  You could not have much more of a contrast in outward appearances between Dolly and Gloria, yet both of them embodied the right of a woman to be who she wanted to be.  It would seem they were unafraid of what people thought of them.

But as with most public figures, we know little of what went on behind the scenes, how they may have struggled with self-doubts, or suffered from harsh criticism.  Whether it was because of my mother’s expectations, or just a part of my personality, I have never been able to throw off other people’s opinions easily. When you are the child of a minister, you constantly have to be on your best behavior, aware of others watching and judging you.  But the voice inside my head is still my harshest critic, and though I try to mute her, I can always hear her. 

On this Friday morning, as we gird up our loins for a weekend of fund-raising activities in South Florida (for scholarships in support of students at our high school in Jamaica), I hope you have some kick-ass women in your life to look up to!  And whether they are still alive or are raising hell in heaven, I hope they can inspire you to keep on fighting for the freedom for all women to be whoever they want to be.

Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.