“Celebrate the idea that you don’t fit in. Find your own fit. Stay unique.” ~ Betsey Johnson.

When my father-in-law died over twenty years ago, the family all came together for his funeral.  It was a typical Jamaican funeral, although at the time the ‘set-up’ (night before, an all-night wake) had not evolved into the fancy affair with live band that you see nowadays.  There was singing, and drumming (provided by one of his grandsons on the kette drum).  There was (as there still is) plenty of food, and plenty of white rum.  Funerals provide opportunities for both of those.  The grave-digging itself is a ceremony, and could last for several days, especially if it was going to be ‘tombed’ (the walls and floor covered in concrete.  People stop by to share in the food and white rum.

In Jamaica there also used to be a ‘nine-night’ event – traditionally held nine nights after the actual death, when, it was said, the soul transitioned to the heavens, and the all night singing, eating (and white rum) helped to send the soul on its way, made sure it did not linger.  Other traditions were also carried out with the intention of making sure the ‘duppy’ did not hang around with the living, such as placing pins in the shoes of the deceased (very painful to walk in such shoes!). 

It was at this particular event that I realized how (especially in Jamaica) families made every effort, no matter from how far they had to travel, or how much it cost,  to be there for a funeral.  But the same people would not be able to find the funds to come together for a positive event, such as a wedding.  Fortunately, in the case of my father-in-law, he had insisted on having a ‘get-together’ (he did not like the term ‘reunion’) some years before he died.  There had been some disagreement about whether this should have taken place, since some in the family thought that would give him the okay to die afterwards, having had his celebration.  Regardless, we got-together, and, again at his demand, only people who were happy to be there should come.  He wanted no sour faces, or hypocrites at his side! He was, by all accounts, one-of-a-kind.  In his district he was known for his loud voice, his outspoken opinions, and his call of ‘Mi happy-oh!’ to school children as they walked past his house in the morning.  The children would then call back ‘Mi happy-oh!’

That glorious get-together became even more relevant in hindsight.  He did indeed die a few years later, but so did his drum-playing grandson, and one of his daughters.  It has left my immediate family (his grandchildren) with even more impetus to ‘get-together’ whenever there is an excuse – birthdays, tournaments, holidays. 

Holidays were always tricky for me when the kids were young.  At the time I worked in the hospital where you had to work fifty percent of the main holidays each year.  On the plus side, there would be that ‘time and a half’ pay, and another day off in lieu, but it meant that you missed out on the days that (or so it seemed) the rest of the world was home relaxing.  When I worked in the Emergency Room, we always dreaded the holidays.  Thanksgiving would mean a flood of renal patients who had indulged in too much salty food and fluids; July 4^th and New Year’s Eve would mean firework casualties.  But those shifts would pass by quickly, with little clock-watching!

Where possible, I would choose to work the holidays that had less personal significance to me, choosing to be home for Christmas with the kids (those early morning present tearing open sessions are the best!), then seeing in the New Year at work.  When I switched to teaching in the last fifteen years of my working life, it was such a novelty to be on vacation over Christmas and New Year! No vacations that included those two holidays were ever approved in the hospital!

This year, as the United States approaches the semi quincentennial anniversary of its Independence, there seems to be an absence of hype, which is completely out of character for this country.  I was in nursing school in England in 1976, and remember the hoopla that spread all the way across the Atlantic.  America’s Bicentennial! Of course, in the UK, two hundred years is just the other day!  But (if I recall correctly) we were impressed by the block parties, the parades, the dressing up of the city centers that filled our TV screens.

This year, by comparison, things seem a little flat.  It may be that I am not looking in the right places.  Or the fact that a certain world leader (who every day seems more and more like your cognitively impaired grandfather) has tried to coopt most of the celebrations into his personal party, events held in his honor.  It is as if the country has decided that it will give a pass to the celebrations this year.  Maybe after all this is over, once life returns to normal, maybe then we’ll get together and do something.

At the same time, we are being entertained by the FIFA world cup games held around the country and north and south of the border.  It was feared that, given the current climate of hostility to immigrants, fans would stay away, or be blocked from entering.  Well, to be honest, that has happened.  But overwhelmingly the stories seem to be of the enjoyment of the games, the genuine welcome teams have been given, positive examples seem to abound.  Whether it is a Scotsman in a kilt firing up his bagpipes to accompany a roadside drummer; or Lawrence, a small town in Kansas which welcomed the Algerian team with gusto, the people of the United States have shown how sports can cut across the normal lines of division to unite.

It is wonderful that, when we forget about partisan politics and divisive rhetoric, people can be reminded of their common humanity.  How can we amplify this message, once the World Cup is over?  Recent political trends have emphasized our differences, have tried to make our neighbors into ‘others’, tried to turn us against anyone who does not meet some phony definition of what it means to be an ‘American’.  We the People are a beautifully diverse group, with different skin colors, cultural traditions and beliefs.  But We the People are human beings, all desirous of living a fulfilled, healthy life, of having our children grow up with opportunities for the same. 

This Friday morning, I choose to follow in my father-in-law’s footsteps and shout ‘mi happy-oh!’ as a reminder that we can always choose our attitude.  I will continue to look for the positive stories about sharing, about community, about building bridges.  I will not ‘go with the flow’ if that means being apathetic and numb.  And I will celebrate each day with thanks and joy for another day to appreciate life.

Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.