“They don’t want to see us unite
All they want us to do is keep on fussing and fighting.” ~ Robert Nesta Marley.

More than 25 years ago, a very close friend of my husband was murdered.  In cold blood, in his driveway one morning.  He (the friend) had been involved with some unsavory characters and there was apparently a falling out.  The killers were never caught – they flew up to South Florida from Jamaica, did the deed, flew back down and a life was ended, a family destroyed.  A few weeks later the impact of the event came even closer to home.  My husband heard a rumor that the same men wanted him dead too, even though he had not been involved with them.

Thus began a very strange period in my life.  The paranoia that infected my husband tried to infect me too.  I was to be on the alert at all times.  I was to drive slowly up my block whenever I was driving home, and assess all the cars on the block to see if there were any strange, unfamiliar ones.  I think it was on hearing these instructions that I became immune.  I had no idea what cars my neighbors drove, especially not those down the block.  I couldn’t live this way, living in expectation of ambush.  If my husband wanted to live that way, fine, but as for me, if something terrible happened to him and I lived, I would need to be strong then.  And all of this anticipation and dread would only wear down my reserves.  As it turned out, the rumor was incorrect.  It was some other friend they were looking for and fortunately never found.

I remember those feelings though, that fear that something terrible was about to happen.  I recently heard that called ‘suffering twice’, once in anticipation of the event, and then when (if) it happens.  And what if it doesn’t?  All of that suffering was in vain.  But I remember just as clearly the day I decided that I could not live in fear, and that was empowering.

It is a primal instinct to expect the worst.  In prehistoric times it was necessary to be hypervigilant at all times, since saber-toothed tigers, or members of an enemy clan could be lurking around corners.  Unfortunately, we have carried that ‘what if’ ability to the present time, when the tigers are in the zoo.  It is important to be aware of potential dangers, we are often reminded, especially in the lead up to Christmas, to be mindful of how we behave in parking lots, to be on the lookout for opportunistic robbers.  But we often take our tendency to over-anticipate to a whole new level.

Anxiety has become increasingly common in the US, with almost one in every four women (and one in five men) having the disorder.  And that does not count the ones who have not been diagnosed.  The symptoms of anxiety can be crippling and can mimic a heart attack.  Since our body responds to perceived threats in the same way whether the threat is an actual saber-toothed tiger or unnamed, vague fears, the manifestations can be objectively measured in elevated blood pressure, rapid heart rate, chest pain and difficulty breathing. 

Even moderate symptoms of anxiety can have long-term effects, elevated cortisol levels produced by stress lead to elevated blood glucose and blood pressure, with all of the damage that they can wreak on your cardiovascular system.  So it makes sense, if you find that you have been letting fears and anxieties have an adverse effect on your health (how many of us are taking blood pressure or blood sugar medications?) to see how we can flip the script and change the way we react to life’s stressors.

We are currently living through a strange period in our lives in this country, as we prepare for the next four years under a president who has already warned us of his plans to overhaul government, to upend institutions, to change the way things function.  Many of us are losing sleep (another risk factor for hypertension!) in anticipation of what may happen.  The plans for ‘mass deportations’ should only be concerning for those undocumented immigrants who also have a criminal record, but other words have been thrown around like ‘naturalized citizens’, as if even those who have gone through the legal avenues to become a US citizen should live in fear.

It was an earlier US President who declared: “There is nothing to fear but fear itself”, and a civil rights activist once said: “The secret of life is to have no fear”.  If we give in to the possible threats, we will have failed before the battle begins!  These are times to be clear-eyed, to be sure, we cannot hide our heads in the sand, but at the same time if we go down the rabbit-hole of rumor and conspiracy theories, we may not survive to fight the real foe!

Many who are wiser than me are giving good advice for these times.  We need to build communities, unite, and work together to be strong.  We have been made to see others as the enemy, when we are all human beings trying to pay our bills, raise our families, and make life better for ourselves.  There is work to be done, and we shall have to stay informed, checking our news sources carefully.  There are organizations who are girding up to fight legal battles where necessary, they will need our financial support if we can.  There are those among us who will suffer more than we will, we need to look out for them and speak out for them when possible. 

During the evil Apartheid era in South Africa there were many who died or were imprisoned for speaking out.  Journalist Steve Biko was one, and he remained defiant to the end.  His book was entitled ‘I write what I like’, and he did, despite the very real saber-toothed regime at his door.  We have to be as courageous as Biko, as patient as Mandela, and take action when we can.  This is no time for tears or fears.

Since we don’t know exactly (although we can well imagine) what the New Year will bring, we also need to pay attention to ourselves, to taking care of ourselves.  There are basic and simple steps: eat right (comfort food may be comforting, but there are long-term effects there, also!); get your rest, and include exercise in your routine.  As to the anxiety and stress, the mind-body practices are crucial now.  Yoga, meditation, learning to activate the parasympathetic response, these are ways to calm down the fight or flight response that has been triggered.  There are breathing exercises to do when you begin to feel anxious.  One simple one is to breathe in for a count of four, then breathe out for a count of six.  That longer exhalation triggers the ‘rest and digest’ response and slows down the heart rate, lowers the blood pressure. 

On this Friday morning, I hope you are doing everything you can to stay connected to other positive people, people who can talk you off the ledge when things seem to overwhelm.  I hope you can find ways to maintain your health as you gird up your loins for the struggles ahead, and who knows, maybe it will not be as bad as we feared! And if you can, reach out to those who may be struggling.  We all need somebody to lean on (thanks, Bill Withers!). 

Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.