“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love – whether we call it friendship or family or romance – is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.” ~ James Baldwin.

I was not a particularly self-confident child, although as to whether that was innate or learned behavior is a question I could ask, because there is evidence to the contrary.  When I learned that my family was moving lock stock and barrel across the Atlantic Ocean to the island of Jamaica, I just knew I had to make a farewell speech at the going away party.  I was seven.  I even remember making notes on colored paper, donated by the Church Secretary who worked in a printing shop.  We were fortunate to receive the odd cuttings and use them for all manner of things – drawing pictures, writing stories, creating speeches!  I don’t know how my speech was received (or even what I said).  I was the youngest child of five and I expect that meant I was given space to be ‘special’!

But thanks to an upbringing that emphasized humility, discouraged boasting and making a fuss about one’s abilities, I did not grow up with any grand ideas about my skills or talents.  My mother once told me ‘all we ever ask of you is that you do your best’.  In other words, we weren’t expected to be better than others, just that we always tried our hardest at any task.  Again, when you are raised by a minister, in the church, Biblical sayings guide your parents, such as ‘whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might’.  So that was the expectation.

In the British system of education in Jamaica at the time I was a teenager, you sat exams at the age of sixteen (around 10^th grade in the US system).  At our school these were Cambridge ‘O’ Levels (ordinary level), and you could, if you wished or needed, leave school after this, and enter the workforce. If you were planning to go on to tertiary education, you would stay on for two more years, at the end of which you would sit the ‘A’ or Advanced Level exams.  The ‘O’ Levels were your basic subjects: the sciences and Mathematics, English Language, History, Geography, etc.  Some of those subjects were required, others were optional and may have depended as much on the availability of teachers, as your own particular interests.  The subjects offered at Advanced Level were far more intense, you would choose three main subjects.  Having done fairly well at ‘O’ Level, I was unsure of what subjects to take at ‘A’ Level. Since I was not planning on going to University (I had already decided upon becoming a nurse, and the Bachelor track was unknown to me at that time), I could choose any subjects.  Could Mathematics be one of them? I had to ask the teacher, since, despite a decent grade at ‘O’ Level, I didn’t have confidence in my ability.

In my unscientific observation, it seems to me that this is a particularly female flaw, to doubt our own abilities.  I noticed it in my daughter, when she was quite young.  Her performance in elementary school could vary from one year to another, and seemed to depend on whether her teacher liked her or not.  A teacher who believed in her brought out the best in her.  Fortunately as she grew older she became more confident, and exhibited more of her father’s attitude to the world.  I recently heard a description of Zbigniew Brezinski, that he didn’t care about other people’s opinions of him (or their world views for that matter).  And my immediate thought was, how freeing that must be, not to care about the opinions of others.

As I was thinking recently, about this need to be validated by the opinions of others, I realized that I had only thought about it working in a positive way.  There have been times in my professional life where I was promoted, not because I applied for a position or even saw myself in management, but because others saw my potential. Perhaps it is just that I was not ambitious, a working mother who chose jobs based on their convenience, the ability to coordinate with the schedules of children, rather than climbing a ladder.  Regardless, those promotions came as a shock to me.

I have been reflecting on this concept of seeing yourself through the eyes of others, as it relates to whole sections of society, especially in these United States.  Instead of being evaluated on your merits, your talents, your abilities, the divisions of racism have led to stereotypes and categorizations that limit and constrain growth and development.  Each time we place labels on people, we consign them to a role.  It is then up to them to overcome these expectations.  When we deny a people their history we are seeing only a small portion of their past and their potential.  When we don’t know the full story of a person’s journey, we cannot understand the struggles they have overcome.

One of the challenges of living in this country today, is holding on to hope, to a belief that we can be better, that we can do better.  I read about a politician (and doctor, Abdul El Sayed) who recommends a different way of moving forward.  It requires us to empathize with those who supported and elected the authoritarian who is trying to radically change the democratic process in this country, rather than berating and belittling them.  This is a challenge, even for those who follow the Christian teaching of loving your enemy, and doing good to those that curse you.  In a very divided country, where we have all taken a side, how can we possibly see the others as anything but the enemy?  How can we possibly find common ground when those ‘others’ are so obviously wrong?

It was MLK Jr who chose love, for only love can drive out hate.  In the quote above, James Baldwin described the work of love as ‘…mirroring and magnifying…’ each other’s light.  But to do so we have to see the light in others, and perhaps if we do so, they can then see the light in themselves.  This takes great effort, but if we are going to move on from this divisive and hateful atmosphere, radical change is called for.  

As I have written many times before, growing up as a white kid in Jamaica, I loved and appreciated diversity long before I knew what that meant.  Last weekend in New York City, I stood in a Dunkin Donuts and observed a sample of people from around the world, different races, different cultures, different religions; the face of America.  If only everyone could see the beauty of the possibilities within this country, where undocumented immigrants who have been landscaping your gardens; picking your vegetables; doing the jobs no ‘American’ wants to do; are given a path forward, instead of being disappeared off the streets. If only everyone could see that History, however painful, instructs and prevents us from repeating the evils of the past.  If only everyone could see the richness of a society that permits opposing ideas to compete in a healthy academic environment, instead of shutting it down.  It may take love, for without love we are nothing, nothing at all.

Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.