“… everything on earth can be eliminated under the right conditions.” ~ Louise Erdrich.

Some years ago I had an experience which proved invaluable in the classroom: I witnessed a man experiencing the sudden onset of a stroke.  We were at a fundraising dance together, he had gone to buy us a drink each, and I realized he was not returning, but was standing, leaning up against the wall, motioning for me to come over.  The classic signs were there: a facial droop, and inability to speak or walk any further.  Someone found a chair for him and I asked for someone to call 911.  Meanwhile, several helpful females were fluttering around him, mopping his face with a cool cloth, one actually found a stethoscope and was listening to his lungs.  I never found out what qualifications they may have had.  It was obvious to me that the only useful thing for him was to be in an Emergency room as quickly as possible.

When I would use the event in the classroom setting, knowing that half of the battle in teaching is to make your message memorable, I would begin by saying that I had once given a man a stroke! It had the shock value necessary to get the class’s attention.  The truth was far less interesting, but I was able to demonstrate the importance of responding rapidly to the signs of a stroke or ‘brain attack’; to teach the mnemonic used to help you quickly assess for a stroke (FAST – facial droop; arm weakness which is one-sided; speech alteration and then T for Time – getting to the ER quickly).  In my friend’s case we were especially lucky that the dance was just minutes away from a hospital that was also a center for Stroke excellence, so he was assessed, scanned, and in the ICU in no time.  Since his stroke was not caused by a clot (embolic stroke) he did not qualify for the ‘clot-busting’ drug that can restore blood flow to injured brain tissue.

My role in his health event was to be supportive, to allow the ER team to do their job, and to stay out of their way as they responded to his emergency.  My professional knowledge had come in handy, but more important was being calm, addressing his concerns, contacting his family and then getting out of the way.  There is a term (the one which heads this message): holding space.  It can be as simple as just being with someone as they go through a crisis, or allowing someone to vent to you, or watching your children fail as they try new things.  It may seem to be passive, but in allowing situations to unfold without your interference, it can be empowering for the primary actors.

This week, my youngest child (the washbelly, as we say in Jamaica) turned 40.  It is not as shocking to the system as when my first child turned 40, this is now the fourth time I have experienced it! But I reminisced on the time of his birth, it having been my most eventful labor and delivery.  It must have been a particularly busy night, as there were no delivery rooms or tables available.  I was placed on a stretcher which was where I had to complete the whole night’s work.  For some unknown reason, despite having had some ‘good’ (no laboring woman will ever appreciate that adjective) contractions and being fully dilated, my contractions stopped.  Completely.  Along with that, the baby’s heart rate dropped.  Dangerously low.  My nurse was on her break (I had warned her that she would miss the action, and she did!), but assistance was called for.  The room quickly filled with all manner of interested individuals, only some of whom were there to be helpful.  This was Jackson, a teaching hospital, so there were medical students, residents, nursing students, it felt as if half of the hospital had come to see the excitement.  Meanwhile I had no idea how to push (which they were yelling at me to do) without contractions.  And I could hear the slow beat of my baby’s heart. 

I was getting close to hysterical when a midwife joined us.  She managed to get all the way into the room next to me (I swear there could have been 20 people in the room), grabbed my hand, and very calmly said “OK, Mom, we’re going to do this.  I want you to listen to my voice, and follow what I tell you to do.”  This was in marked contrast to the physician who had been yelling at me and telling me I was pushing wrong.  With her guidance, and some mechanical maneuvering by another physician exerting pressure on my non-contracting uterus, my baby boy emerged, blue, and was rushed away to a warmer to encourage him to ‘pink up’. 

Both my friend with the stroke and my son survived their health emergencies.  And I had two valuable lessons to pass on to students.  That midwife, who was not assigned to my care, I have no idea what her name was, had come into my room to ‘hold space’ to allow me to regain control of myself, and give me the confidence to complete the job at hand.

We are all experiencing a crisis at present.  We are watching a man who appears to govern on whims and ego, changing course, illegally and unconstitutionally demolishing government departments, wrecking people’s lives needlessly, playing pinball with world economies.  The real-world consequences of his actions are scary, and may be very difficult to reverse.  The quote I opened the message with came from a novel which in part addressed the disastrous use of pesticides on the environment.  There is a real possibility that actions taken now may bring about the elimination of species, of crops, of ways of life, and for some, even life itself.  The actions taken have affected so many areas of life (medical, military, social, cultural, financial, and more) that we are having a hard time understanding why there has not been a better opposition, more organized resistance, louder outcry, more spine and conscience on the part of those who are currently complicit in all of this unraveling of the norms of government.

Is it that some feel the appropriate thing is to ‘hold space’, to allow for tragic consequences to happen (like multiple air disasters perhaps?) before they get involved?  Or perhaps an outbreak of measles.  Is it that we are holding back until we are personally affected? After all, I don’t know any of these federal workers who have a job one minute, the next they are being ‘bought out’, or fired, or being told that the job they were about to start is gone.  I don’t currently know anyone enrolled in a cancer research study.  Is this why we seem to be in a holding pattern?

As the writer tells us, there is a time for everything, but it would seem as if just holding space is not enough this time.  There are ways to protest, there are congressmen and senators to contact, there are any number of boycotts taking place to try to let our spending practices talk to men who seem to be motivated solely by the almighty dollar.  But at the same time we must hold space for those who are being directly affected by these actions. 

This Friday morning I hope you can find ways to make your voice heard, and to support those who are fighting in the courts.  I hope you can maintain your balance despite the uncertainty, and hold space for yourself if it is affecting your health.  And always, I hope you can find lessons in whatever you are experiencing.  Some day it will all make a great story to tell the grandchildren!

Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.