“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.” ~ Erma Bombeck.

Recently I answered a question posed about uniforms (for or against).  I shared that since I had worn uniforms for most of my childhood, and then for over thirty years of my adult life as a nurse, I had not developed much of a fashion sense.  In the 90’s there was a fad to have your color palette evaluated.  We apparently fall into ‘seasons’, being better suited to reds and blacks (winter), or fall’s earth tones, depending on our complexion, hair and eye color.  Who knew?  With not much money to spare, my non-work clothes had mostly been dictated by cost (especially if it was on sale), and as far as color went, I chose colors I liked, not noticing whether the colors liked me!

Things changed when I had a daughter who could match colors in her mind’s eye, able to pick out a blouse in a store that matched a skirt she had at home.  Left to myself, I sometimes had a hard time matching clothes next to each other!  She also had a discerning eye for what looked good.  Once, when she was a teenager and I had dressed up for some function, I asked her whether I could wear these shoes with this dress.  At the time my shoe wardrobe was even less diverse than my clothes, since I worked and lived exclusively in flats (sneakers had taken over from those expensive nurses’ work shoes).  She looked me up and down, at my one pair of ‘dress’ shoes, and answered, ‘Well, you can!’ as if she would not have been caught dead in the outfit.

When my kids were in high school, they were given the option of switching to uniforms.  Since I felt that my life in uniform had led to restricted development of my own fashion sense, I opted to let them decide, and so we opted out.  When it was time for school shopping, the boys preferred their sister to go with them, for she would be honest about how they looked as they tried on clothes.  They couldn’t trust me, I was their Mom, I would always say they looked great!

In a judgmental society, clothes and outward appearances provide a means to pigeon-hole people.  Who can forget the way a ‘hoodie’ became a death sentence for a young African American teen, his fashion choice being the excuse for a grown man to feel threatened.  Thankfully it seems that loose pants sliding past the waist, exposing colorful underwear is now out of style.  As adults we fall into the trap of confusing fashion statements with values, forgetting that our own midriff-baring halter-tops and hip-hugging bell-bottom pants attracted the same level of horror in our parents. (We won’t even mention those ‘micro-mini’ skirts!)

Now as an older adult, I find myself horrified by color combinations.  I remember many years ago hearing a jingle ‘blue and green should never be seen’, and in fact reading an article that suggested that people who like that combination may have schizophrenia! At the time I felt it was a harsh statement, since we can see that combination in nature (the flower iris comes to mind, but is that blue or purple?).  Recently I saw a TV presenter wearing a red blouse with a pink skirt (or vice versa) and was immediately shocked.  Was it an accident?  Was my cataract affecting my ability to distinguish color?  I posted to social media and learnt that these two colors are trending, I am the one out of sync.  My sister reminded me of the flower (one of my mother’s favorites) the fuschia, outer petals a brilliant red, inner ones bright pink.  So I had to accept once more, that if it is good enough for mother nature…

The author quoted at the top of the page is a role model of mine.  She was an essayist who wrote with humor about the ordinary life and its extraordinary moments; ordinary people and their ability to rise above.  By sharing her own challenges and making them so comical, she encouraged hosts of struggling women to realize they were not alone.  She wrote a poem entitled ‘if I had my life over’ recognizing those misplaced priorities that have us savoring things over relationships; opportunities missed when we are busy trying to please other people.  In another poem she celebrated aging by declaring that at 80 a woman should ‘put on a purple hat’ and go out and enjoy the world.  That concept gave rise to ‘Purple Hat’ societies, groups of women that did as they pleased, made the most of their lives while wearing purple hats!

It is good to look good, and certainly there are times when we want to look our best.  But it is also good to make sure we are prioritizing correctly.  The concept of keeping up with the Joneses was always funny to me, since I was a Jones, and as mentioned before, we weren’t too proud to wear hand-me-downs.  Being aware of the opinions of others can be paralyzing, but often it is the voices inside our own head that restrict us from living our best life. 

The concept of mindfulness, of awareness of ourselves and being present to all that life is offering us, begins with unconditional love and self-acceptance. So many of us struggle with this concept, being only too aware of all of our flaws and shortcomings.  This Friday morning, I have to remind myself of this, and try to hold on to that feeling of self-acceptance, and stride out into the world wearing a purple hat!

Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.