“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” ~ W. C. Fields.

I grew up in a church that followed the ecumenical calendar (I am not sure if that is the correct term, but it sounds good!), such as the lesser-known special Sundays like Advent Sunday, or the big ones of Christmas and Easter.  My father being a minister educated with degrees in the Arts and Divinity, was conventional and followed the book of Common Prayer and the Christian traditions. So of course, I was aware of days like Shrove Tuesday (the day before Ash Wednesday), which was very significant in our house as being the day my mother made pancakes for dinner (in England it is known as Pancake Tuesday).  She was skilled at this, baking was her preferred kitchen activity, and her pancakes would be crepe-like – thin and lacy.  They were garnished with sugar (icing sugar I believe) and then drizzled with lemon juice before being rolled up to eat.  I can taste them now. 

Ash Wednesday would be memorable since it was a public holiday, and in Jamaica it was marked by an outing to a nearby town set high (even higher than where we lived) in the hills of Manchester, for a day of church related activities.  This kicked off the forty days of Lent, leading up to the mournful and minor key hymns of Good Friday, and then the joyous Easter Sunday, day of resurrection and hope.  And in Jamaica, as for so many other significant holidays, these were marked by special food, fish on Good Friday, ham on Easter Sunday, but even better, the tasty Easter bun, topped with a big slab of cheese.

Despite my father being the minister, I don’t recall being expected or encouraged to give anything up for Lent.  That I believe (and not being educated in theology, I am probably wrong), originated in the Catholic church, whereas my parents were staunch non-conformists, viewing many of the Catholic practices with a little distrust.  For example, my parents’ practices focused on a bare cross, not a crucifix with the pierced body of Christ on display.  They celebrated the resurrection which was symbolized by the vacant cross. 

In Jamaican tradition though, you were supposed to give something up for Lent, so I may have done so as a child. As an adult I have not done this, and I admire those who give up sugar, or candies, or swearing, or more recently social media for the forty days.  Nowadays willpower seems to be an ancient tradition.  We can have instant answers courtesy of your favorite search engine (‘Google dat!), rather than having to search through encyclopedias or old newspapers to settle questions. If we sit in the drive-through lane of a fast food restaurant for too long, we become frustrated.  I was going to write that I don’t think I have the willpower to give anything up, then realized that I have not eaten meat in 5 years!

In my upbringing, like in the quote at the top of the page, we were encouraged to ‘never give up’.  In fact, the saying (I can hear my mother’s voice) was ‘try, try and try again’, in other words, at least three attempts!  In Primary school we recited a poem (in an exaggerated sing-song chorus) of ‘the boy who says ‘I can’, will climb to the hill-top.  The boy who says ‘I can’t’, will at the bottom stop’.  My Secondary school (equivalent to high school in the US) has as its quote (originally in Latin, of course, following British traditions),  ‘Persevere and Excel’.

This is excellent advice.  I believe it was Henry Ford (thanks, Google!) who said: ‘Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right!’.  We should be aware that goals are met through effort and persistence.  Most of us have to struggle and study to pass exams; athletes train long and hard to win gold medals; new skills are only developed through practice and repetition.  Children need to learn not to give up at the first hint of difficulty.  I remember once asking my mother to teach me something (I forget what) and she told me that whenever she would ask her own mother if she could help her start a new project (probably embroidery or something similar), her mother would open a drawer and offer her a choice of her old unfinished projects to complete first. 

In my adult life, I have learned that it is not always healthy to continue this practice of never giving up.  It resulted in me staying in an unhealthy relationship far longer than was good for me (‘til death do us part’ was modeled by my parents, so how could I quit?).  I also stayed in jobs where I was very unhappy.  In one situation, it was a very negative meeting with my boss at the time, a boss whose expectations of her staff was perfection, that gave me permission to step-down from a position that brought me no joy.  As a salaried nurse manager, I was putting in 60-hour work weeks (not counting the calls on the weekends) and being paid for 40.  I was not seeing my children, and I had no energy to do anything on those weekends. 

Sometimes it is only after you quit doing something, you realize how stressed you were.  Many years ago, the father of my nursing school best friend, a man of great wisdom but little formal education told me something that I have quoted many times: ‘It’s a bit like beating up your head against a brick wall.  It does feel good when you stop!’  I have used those words often when counseling students who beat themselves up over failed exams, or perhaps things they have no control over.  It does feel good when you stop.

This Friday morning, I hope you find joy in the challenges of doing things outside your comfort zone, and are able to persist in achieving those goals that bring you satisfaction.  I hope you can discern when it is your ego telling you to continue doing things that are not good for you, and then give yourself permission to stop. And for those who have given something up for Lent, hold fast! It is March already, and Easter comes early this year!

Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.