“I’m like a recovering perfectionist. For me it’s one day at a time.” ~ Brene Brown.

I don’t know when I first heard the word ‘codependent’.  It certainly wasn’t a term when we were in nursing school.  When I did read about it, I recognized myself in the description.  Part of it was the need to help (or fix) others; feeling responsible for how things turn out, even when it is clearly out of your control; expressing yourself with passive aggression; have difficulty saying no.  They say many nurses are codependents.  And of course there are features of the disorder (for it is not a healthy pattern of behavior) that help to make you the perfect nurse.  You always put the needs of others ahead of your own; you pick up that extra shift when they can’t find anyone else to work; you apologize for things that were not your fault.

I don’t remember being taught that self-care is as if not more important than caring for others.  For if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be around for any of those others, whether they are your patients (clients) or your family.  I do remember a short-haired, military type nursing instructor telling us as new students that it was very important that we have two pairs of shoes, and alternate them daily.  This was to let the sweat dry out!  She also drew a triangle on the board, labeling each side ‘physical, mental, emotional’ and stressed that we must find balance in our lives.  I don’t think spirituality was mentioned, but she was old school, and this was the seventies. She also reminded us that being on our feet all day, racing around the wards did not constitute exercise. 

Life instructed me along the way, and I have shared many lessons learned with other nurses and nursing students as I grew.  You cannot be available for others if you are not taking care of self.  You cannot be present for the person in the bed in front of you if you are tired, distracted, questioning your every decision.  The reality of being a nurse is being bombarded with multiple tasks, all with apparently equal importance.  There are ‘NCLEX style’ questions which give you four patient scenarios, and ask you which patient you will see first, or which one you will delegate to another member of the health care team.  In reality all of your patients will seem to be the priority, and those other members of the health care team are busy somewhere else.

We talk about the differences in attitude, in outlook, in habits of members of the different generations.  Baby boomers (who are or will soon be retired by now) have strong work ethic, loyalty, sense of duty.  They make (made) excellent nurses, the type who would clock out and keep working; would stay over because someone called in sick; would take the heavier assignment because no one else would.  Sounds excellent, but often that nurse would become bitter, feeling unappreciated, taken for granted, and would burn out faster than a candle in the wind. 

But what of the younger generations?  Do they know better how to take care of number one? Or do they walk out of the nursing profession once they realize the hard work, long hours and the emotional toil it can take?  Will they assertively speak out on behalf of themselves, or will they move back in with their parents and start an online business consultancy?  Did they get into nursing because it was a calling, a desire to alleviate suffering, or to start up their own spa and give botox injections?

Today’s thoughts were triggered by a conversation with my daughter (who is definitely not, nor ever aspired to be, a nurse) as she mentioned one of her friends who is a Gen X nurse.  She had met up with a group of nursing friends and reflected on how unhealthy they were.  They had physical health problems, or were in unhealthy relationships, the whole self-caring thing had been pushed into the back of a crowded drawer.  And I wondered, how are the nurses today?

In reality, the healthcare industry, an organization that is mostly profit driven, is a harsh place to advocate for the nurses and their working conditions.  Nurses are seen as an expense on the financial balance sheets, not a revenue generator.  Nursing care is built into the room care costs, not a line item by itself.  And they often get the blame when care is not given on time, or omitted, or rushed.  The mad COVID money brought hourly pay rates that were unheard of ten years ago.  They have come down somewhat, but are still way higher than I ever saw.  But does a fat paycheck compensate?  The moments that make nursing so memorable, so rewarding, cannot be counted in dollars and cents.  But the money helps!

One of my favorite nursing stories was the man who brought me flowers one year (on the anniversary) of the day he came into the ER with a crushing heart attack.  I was the nurse at the bedside as we waited for the ‘clot-buster’ to be effective.  His blood pressure was so low we couldn’t give him morphine.  So I held his hand and tried to keep him safe.  He did not forget.

On this Friday morning I hope that those who are in the caregiving profession remember to take care of themselves.  I hope they can speak out for themselves or work with those who can.  I hope they have friends who allow them to vent, then remind them that self-care is not selfish.  And I hope that those who experience the healthcare system find nurses who are compassionate and caring.  For without those qualities all the medicine in the world is irrelevant.

Have a great weekend, Family!

One Love!

Namaste.