“Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.” ~ Francis of Assisi.

I have never been good in a fight.  Physical fights were not allowed in our household growing up.  When the church is a big part of your upbringing, ‘turn the other cheek’ and ‘a soft answer turneth away wrath’ tend to be the philosophy, even if unspoken.  As the youngest, it was unlikely that I was going to try anything with my older siblings anyway! I do remember getting into a fight in elementary school – no idea over what.  I think it was something that I was put up to, hyped up by classmates eager to see the white girl fight.  I don’t even remember the outcome!  So much has been forgotten over time.

As a teenager I was once slapped in the face by a girl (so happens she was white too – but that’s a story for another day!). Once again, I have no idea why, but I was so shocked I did not respond at all.  If I remember correctly, she was so shocked that I did not respond that she may have hit me a second time! I do remember that her friend (who was my best friend’s sister) was extremely disgusted that I did not fight back. 

In a verbal argument I am never the one with the clever jabs, the quick counter to an insult or accusation.  I’m the one replaying it in my mind afterwards, and only then coming up with the witty riposte, the one truth that will stop the opposition.  Perhaps that is why I write now, to control the narrative in a thoughtful, unopposed way.  In marriage I had a partner (I almost wrote opponent) who thrived on arguments, who loved nothing more than a verbal spar, able to outtalk anyone.  He was louder, angrier, more forceful than anyone in the room.  He was not blessed with height, but his presence could fill a room.

In my non-confrontative way, I developed skills of avoidance, expressing myself with unhealthy passive aggression.  I didn’t learn to stand up for myself, to be assertive until too late. Patterns had already been established.  Like any ‘good’ wife I allowed his opinions to lead the way, kept mine internal. Like I said, not healthy.  On the other hand, he was a well read, self-taught (for the most part) historian and rebel.  He read all the great Pan-Africans (Kwame Nkrumah for one), all the great African American revolutionaries (Malcolm X), and was never inclined to follow any of the non-violent leaders like Martin Luther King Jr.  He was a dining table revolutionary, taking down the oppressors with his words, meeting up with like-minded people to fix the world.  I am sure he was on one of those COINTELPRO lists somewhere.

In the midst of raising children and going to work I was exposed to the actions of revolutionary groups around the world, realizing that for some people, the wheels of justice grind exceeding slow, and thus they feel forced to take matters into their own hands.  But having been raised by parents who were staunch pacifists, I could not see how violence could ever win.  How does violence not trigger more violence?  How can the taking of a life move a cause forward? 

What lessons have we learned from any violent conflicts in this world?  What madness is possessed in the hearts of man that causes us to destroy each other?  How can any conflict end in any other way than with the deaths of ordinary people like you and me?

I have, at several stages of my life, found myself in the role of mediator.  When you have a strong-minded teenage daughter and an argumentative spouse you spend a lot of time explaining one to the other, always seeming to be on the wrong side.  At work I have played a similar role, between co-workers in the hospital, or between instructor and student (or student and student) in the classroom.  Finding common ground, trying to make each see the other one’s point of view is never easy.  I once tried to have two people get back into a comfortable working relationship by first expressing something positive about the other.  It only half worked, as only one of the parties was big enough to find something positive to say.  But when each is convinced that they are totally right and the other is totally wrong, there is no way forward.

I am, of course, preoccupied by the violence in the Middle East.  I have not been able to watch the videos of atrocities perpetrated on children, on families, on human beings.  I know that the retaliation can only bring more death and destruction.  I cannot imagine having to try to live with the threat of imminent death.  In the face of this, what can we do to help prevent it from ever happening again?

Thankfully these decisions are way above my pay grade.  I can send out messages and thoughts of peace and love, without any knowledge of whether it changes anything.  Martin Luther King Jr. said: “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Easier said than put into practice.  What does love look like in Israel today, in the Gaza strip? But what is the alternative?

This Friday morning, I hope that you can sow peace and love in your life.  I hope that one day the human race has evolved to a state where violent conflict and inhumane treatment of others is found only in the history books.  But I am not sure what it will take to get us to that place. Have a wonderful weekend, Family!

One Love.

Namaste.